Isn't it Ironic??

A few many years ago, Alanis Morissette wrote a very popular song about irony.

The irony of it was, many of the things she singled out as ironic weren't actually ironic. They were merely unfortunate--like having a black fly in your Chardonnay. Irony only happens when the result is not what was intended, especially if it's absurd or funny.
And that's why it's ironic when people misuse this word.

Let's get literal

When people say things such as, "His breath literally knocked me dead," I wonder for a minute how they managed to come back to life without looking, u noe--rotten. And then I realize that they're using literally when they mean figuratively.
If something literally happens, it means that it actually happens. It's ridiculous to say "literally" when u mean the opposite.
The best way to avoid this language mangling is to keep the word literal out of your sentences unless u really mean it, and u want your listener to know the cat really did jump three feet in the air when it saw the dog.

Disregard for the dictionary

Irregardless is not a word, regardless of the fact that people sometimes use it as one.

Be accurate, more or less

There's a difference between less and fewer--and if you use these words correctly, you will really sound like you've got a high-powered brain sitting atop your shoulders.
Use fewer when you're talking about things that can be counted, such as individual hairs and snowflakes. Use less when you're talking about things that refer to general quantities, such as hair and snow.

Use your head

Use and utilize generally mean the same thing. Why use those extra letters if you don't need to? Most words ending in -ize should be euthanized.

A unique kind of error

Unique means "one of a kind." Therefore, despite what the salesman tells you, something can't be "completely unique." It either is unique, or it isn't. Just like it's unanimous, or it's not. Or there is consensus, or there isn't. (just like when someone says "general consensus"-- isn't consensus something that's general=majority??) haha, unless u mean General consensus-- in gladiator, u noe, that guy)

Once your ears get sensitive to this mistake, you'll hear it and related mistakes everywhere. (i dunno if it's a bad habit or something)

What's up with Aussie's Channel 10 promoting "all new" episodes of their TV shows? Does this mean that some shows are only partially new? (Trust me, they feel only partially new.)

Could you care less?

Is sounding smarter something you still could care less about?
If you couldn't care less, I would be worried. Unless, of course, you cared so little that you didn't care enough to care less. Gulp.
So there you have it.

Beg to differ

Some people think i have horrible english.. and i agree- for the large part of this post i've tried to type U as "You" and exclude the excessive use of shortcut/MSN/chat lingo, but i fail disastrously. My dad refuses to believe that he's paying for my university education, only to have me email him in my singlish, half-broken jargon (if that even qualifies as a classification)- best part is that i'm doing an English major- what a joke.