today i missed a step and fell physically.

still feel like i'm fallen.

can i not get up?

Please PRAY.

Updates- 3000 dead in region of Yogyakarta.

Death toll rises.

"Welcome child," he said.

"Aslan, said Lucy, You're bigger."

"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.

"Not because you are?"

"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

C.S Lewis 'Chronicles of Narnia: Book 2- Prince Caspian'

"Have you not known?

Have you not heard?

The everlasting God, the Lord,

The Creator of the ends of the earth,

Neither faints nor is weary.

There is no searching of His understanding.

He gives power to the weak,

And to those who have no might He increases strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary.

And young men will stumble and fall.

But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagles,

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

I'm going mad.
i have a 4000 word essay due on monday.



and my coordinator is still in the process of approving my question.


going to jump in the hole now.
.
.
.
.

My baby of a dissertation...

Some of you know what my thesis is about, well today i'm going to 'think-out-loud'... been reading quite a bit... and i've all these concepts and ideas and links.
I'm looking at post 9-11 Singapore: evolving citizenship, estranged identities and enforced security-- Assessing the govt's responses towards the Malay-Muslim community.
It's really interesting to unpack all the academic/scholarly work that has been done on our citizenship, multiculturalism, 'social cohesion', a sense of national identity.
And in trying to make sense of it all... this quote struck me:

"If you care too much about Singapore, first it'll break your spirit, and finally it will break your heart."
-Alfian Saat

Been reading this blog my housemate stumbled upon: one of the many politicised blogs in Singapore now... and i love how she phrases this....

"Singapore, then, is a nation I have always envisaged as a child who went to sleep and, without knowing it, grew to be a man. In his slumber he aged, matured, became strong-limbed and nimble, powerful and beautiful, and yet remained imprisoned in his lethargy. Sedated by peace and numbed by comfort, he was content to lie mute, deaf, non-assertive. But of late his sleep is restless, disturbed by ugly images. His once-blissful dreams have been tinged with unease. Something has gone wrong. Something is not right. And he stirs - a little finger trembles here, a heartbeat quickens there - and soon he will awaken. His eyes will open and he will discover that he has autonomy over his self, his person, that he has power invested in those hands.

And he must do this before a child's cradle turns into a man's grave."
-Gayle Goh


Just something to digest.... ;p

Read~Squint~type~read more~eat~sleep~drink coffee~type~read~read~type~highlight~print~printer no ink!~get printer catridge~type~Read~toilet~drink water~eat~type... type... type....




going mad.

"Do not fear, for i am with you; Do not be dismayed, for i am your God."

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

How long have I been in this storm* so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form* Water's getting harder to tread with these waves crashing over my head* if I could just see you everything will be alright* if I'd see you the storminess will turn to light

And I will walk on water* and you will catch me if I fall * And I will get lost into your eyes * And everything will be alright and everything will be alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown *so why am I 10 feet under and upside down *Barely surviving has become my purpose *cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

* if I could just see you everything will be alright *if I see you the storminess will turn to light *

And I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall *And I will get lost into your eyes and everything will be alright and I will walk on water you will catch me if I fall and I will get lost into your eyes and everything will be alright I know *

Everything is alright everything's alright

"Storm" - Lifehouse

Thanks for the song Jon.

can't think.
my brain hurts.

" The concept of a 'nation' is a goal rather than an actuality. Put simply, nations are not creatures of 'God's hand': instead they are synthetic- they have to be created in a complicated educational process through generations. "

- Alter P "Nationalism" (1989)

I Look to You

"Lord if it's you," Peter says, "Tell me to come to you on the water" Matt 14:28 NIV

Peter is not testing Jesus; he is pleading with Jesus. Stepping onto a stormy sea is not a move of logic; it is a move of desperation. Peter grabs the edge of the boat. Throws out a leg... follows with the other. Several steps are taken. It's as if an invisible ridge of rocks runs beneath his feet. At the end of the ridge is the glowing face of a never-say-die friend.

We do the same don't we? We come to Christ in an hour of deep need. We abandon the boat of good works. We realize... that human strength won't save us. So we look to God in desperation. We realize... that all the good works in the world are puny when laid before the Perfect One.

Max Lucado, Grace for the Moment.

Mark 8:29 "But who do you say that i am?"
Who do you say Jesus is? Who is He to you?
"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Roms 8:31

Work is.... mm i can never find an appropriate word to describe it. Well, it's just always there.... most times its piled higher. But.... one thing i can say about it, at least i'm loving what i do... there's a drive and passion. ; )

Booked my sydney plane tickets yesterday... very excited already! Looking at backpackers accommodation in the Town centre... and browsing through the train station system ; )
Its gonna be an exciting trip! can't wait for God to move, can't wait to worship with thousands of people at the sdyney superdome!! can't wait already... *rubs hands gleefully*

Think i'm gonna head to the scholars' centre to try and finish up a pile of readings and notes i must have said i'd go thru last week... thing is, the lit review and dissertation proposal are combined (DUE SOON!)... my faculty is funny... why can't i have the anthrop/Eng's style??? den again everything they have there is due earlier den mine... so i must be content and settle for this.

The parents are in Hokkaido at the moment... Sapporo to be exact... ;) The mom says its snowing and it resembles christmas... with plenty of coloured flowers. she got the biggest bouquet from my dad on mom's day;p my dad's so smart... haha. some bouquets u'll never fit into a house. *grins* WEll, happy mom's day!! My mom's always been one woman in my life who's been consistent with the truth she speaks into my life... always assures me that i don't need to do things, or achieve things. She's always affirming that she loves me for who i am.... my heart, my integrity, my ever-being-moulded character.... She's really and truly a woman of God. Small on the outside but big in heart and mind. She's the strongest woman i know... and she'll always be beautiful- from the inside out.

That's about all from me.... meanwhile i'm still sane, alive and kicking. While May is still here... and when June comes the exams arrive with it. Wake me up when October ends... i have no idea how supposedly stressed i'm supposed to be (if that makes any sense). Just glad that i've got ample time to space my thesis and other work and exams within an attainable time span. (hopefully!)

Technically i really dunno how things are gonna go.... BUT He is my refuge and strength. Don't you know? our God always delivers. ;p

Just felt like doing quizzes.

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty highly. You're completely devoted to your friends and family. Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them. Just make sure they're equally loyal to you! Honesty: You value honesty a fair amount. You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity: You value generosity highly. So much so that you often put your own needs last. There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart... But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy. Humility: You value humility a fair amount. You tend to be an easy going, humble person. But occasionally your ego takes over. You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount. You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas. You have very few prejudices that you're aware of. And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

I might just be in the wrong faculty.....

Your Scholastic Strength Is Developing Ideas

You can take a spark of inspiration and turn it into a full fledged concept. You are talented at brainstorming, visualizing, organizing, and independent thinking. You should major in: Natural sciences Computer science Creative writing Math Architecture Journalism

What Should You Major In?

"Sin is what you do when your heart is not satisfied with God. No one sins out of duty. We sin because it holds out some promise of happiness. That promise enslaves us until we believe that God is more to be desired than life itself (Psalm 63:3). All that God promises to be for us in Jesus stands over against what sin promises to be for us without Him."



"For God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him."

John Piper's "Future Grace"

Where's that hole in the earth i mentioned a while back?

i still want to jump.




Dissertation topic refinement is such a pain in the....

Dedicated to Jo......

i like AmicaCuriae's summary of the results for the Singapore General Elections.

Somehow, in my years of shepherding... i've never felt more burdened to pray for my people ever. and that time is now. When i stop to think of all the times He has brought me through, i remember that its possible that someone was praying for me- a parent, a friend, a leader, an old church mate, a childhood friend...

I think, altho i may not have the closest relationships with my girls and boys (what i like to call them- apart from the term :cell group), its very fulfilling to see their lives growing- increasingly in their desire to draw near to God and also serving in ministry. I like my time with them... the younger ones, they like to laugh.... very loudly and in a rowdy fashion. haha, youngsters nowadays.... reminds me of myself last time ;p The older ones, struggling... but slowly God is unfolding His very marvellous plan in their lives.... amazing how He works. Praying for them, meeting up with them... going swimming with them, climbing with them...

And my time with Him. my gratitude cannot really be expressed tangibly. His grace, his mercy... his love. what more can i ask for? He forgives abundantly so i can have the strength to forgive. the conversations we have, the ups and downs... the inner struggles i face. He has been there and seen me through all of it. He is faithful when i'm not. He is steadfast when i'm wavering. He conquers when i'm defeated. He is made strong in my weaknesses.

my resting place. my secret place. ;p

You Are Mint Green

Balanced and calm, you have mastered the philosophy of living well. Your friends seek you out for support, and you are able to bring stability to chaotic situations. You're very open and cheerful - and you feel like you have a lot of freedom in life. Your future may hold any number of exciting things, and you're ready for all of them!

What Color Green Are You?

Taken from Nikki

I chanced upon success. But i gave it such a fright that it ran away.

i feel healthy and alert once i've slept enough.
Sleeping purges me of all the doldrums of life.
gives me energy to face the day.
And strength to run the race.

*yawns*
and i can't get no satisfaction.
Zzzzzz....